Self-Compassion - Parenting Edition

By: Rachel Goldman, PhD
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Self-compassion is a crucial element in surviving (and eventually thriving in) parenthood. Loosely defined, it is the act of giving yourself patience, kindness, empathy, love, and understanding as you move through the intensity and complexities of your “new normal.” 

Translating self-compassion into reality, however, often is fraught and filled with missteps: “should have” thoughts, “wish I were like…” self-comparisons, second-guessing, and self-judgment. Why is it so difficult for parents to give themselves grace?

​Perhaps it’s because parenthood puts your before life in a washing machine – swooshing everything around, soaking your prior self, and spinning things on high until you don’t know which way is up. You are jolted back into reality, except, now, everything has changed. For many, your before ways of coping kick into gear – pushing through challenges, casting aside feelings that don’t feel useful, relying on logic rather than intuition, and setting unrealistic expectations. You charge into the unknowns of parenthood with a steadfast internal image of how you want to be. The epitome, in your head, of what it means to be a good parent.

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